


Ships in the night

by Ilikesadstories



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Breaking Up & Making Up, Children of Characters, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Married Couple, Rehabilitation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2019-07-24
Packaged: 2020-05-14 05:03:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19266412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ilikesadstories/pseuds/Ilikesadstories
Summary: MERGANA AU. Merlin Emrys and Morgana Pendragon are meant to be. If only life knew that. The slippets of their love together starts early as their childhood friendship until their 40th birthday. Their comes-and-backs are enough to build a confusing,non-linear love story.





	1. The beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone, doing my best here.  
> Some pre-explanation: This is a non-linear story. Facts and details won't come in a natural order, its going to be fussy and unclear for a while.  
> Also, this is not my first language, i do hope to get better.

[ _Like ships in the night_ ](https://genius.com/Mat-kearney-ships-in-the-night-lyrics#note-1689963) _  
_ [ _You keep passing me by_ ](https://genius.com/Mat-kearney-ships-in-the-night-lyrics#note-2097046) _  
_ [ _We're just wasting time_ _  
_ _Trying to prove who's right_ ](https://genius.com/Mat-kearney-ships-in-the-night-lyrics#note-2097057)

**December 2th, 2005- St. Mary’s Hospital.**

Morgana couldn’t believe that she was holding her tiny little girl in her arms for the first time. She couldn’t believe that a tiny human being was nested in her until this day and that now it was fully formed and ready for this world. The baby was barely a day old, all wrinkle-soft skin, eyes yet wide shut and dressed in a pink blanket. She was perfect, she smelled perfect, and Morgana was going to be the best mother to her daughter, better than her own, and she was going to protect this baby from everything….and everyone.

-What are you going to name her? - asked Gwen, who was on the very uncomfortable chair beside Morgana since the beginning of the labor.

-I was thinking about Elizabeth? - said Morgana, looking over to Gwen, who made a face at hearing the name- C’mon, it’s not that bad!

-No, it’s just too _common_ for a Pendragon. - said Gwen, laughing. Witch made Morgana chuckle slyly

\- Thanks for being here Gwen. - Morgana’s eyes saddle filling with water. Her only companion had been Gwen, her elder sister Morgause had went to France to pick up Morgana’s mother, Vivienne, so they could see the baby. Morgana’s father was coming from his business trip.

\- Where’s Arthur? - Morgana asked Gwen. She appreciated Gwen dearly, and she tried to make herself stronger, but she wanted her family with her so bad.

\- He’s……. coming from the office, you know how the traffic can be in December. - Gwen seemed eager to change subjects, almost as if she was hiding something.

A chilling thought passed by Morgana's head.

\- He’s not searching for Merlin, isn’t he? - Morgana’s voice had a dreadful tone. Gwen got up from her chair and started picking up Morgana's stuff from the room to start packing up. It looked like she was hidden, Gwen was incredibility easy to read. - Gwen? - Morgana asked again.

\- Arthur and I both think that Merlin has the right to see his daughter- Gwen said while trying (and failing) to look busy

Morgana’s memory took her back to the time where she also thought that. A time where Merlin was such a sweet, caring young boy, with wide blue eyes and a precious smile. This time has passed, the only good remaining was in her arms right now, sleeping peacefully.

\- Alright, but only if Arthur _finds_ him….

Gwen smiled at that and stopped packing to come near Morgana and take the baby from her. Gwen held the baby enough time for Morgana to change clothes with some help from the hospital nurses that came by at the right times.

When Morgana came back to her bed, Arthur entered the room. It was visible that he was useless when his wife didn’t sleep in the house with him. His clothes were rippled, his hair was messier than normal. It looked like he barely slept. He came in holding a pink balloon written: "IT'S A GIRL" and a bouquet of red roses in his other hand. He came in alone.

\- Here, this is for you – He handled the bouquet of roses to Morgana, smiling – For the mommy and this- he turned to the baby in Gwen’s arm- is for my new niece- He handed the balloon to Gwen as if the baby was going to take the balloon.

Morgana and Gwen laughed at this.

\- That’s not how it works, love- Gwen said- Leave the balloon and sit down to take the baby.

Arthur did as he was told almost in a trance, he held the baby near his heart, watching every corner of her face as if she was going to disappear.

\- How could this beauty come from Merlin and Morgana, I could never know- He whispered to Gwen, almost involuntary and instantly feeling guilty.

\- And did you find him? - Morgana inquired- Merlin, I mean.

Arthur changed a glare with Gwen before answering.

\- Gaius finally got him into rehab- Arthur tried to smirk a little- So that a good thing, right?

Morgana nodded. It was for the best. Arthur was still holding the baby as she was going to break.

\- Have you decided on the name yet? – Arthur questioned.

\- Please, don’t go for Elizabeth. - Gwen joked.

 _\- Ew_ , not Elizabeth, Morgana! - Arthur shared the fun on that.

\- No, it was just a thought – Morgana laughed at them- ……. Her name is Wynn.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

**June 13 th,1991- Pendragon Mansion, Central London.**

Morgana’s 13th birthday started epically. As usual, she woke up early and a pack with new clothing and shoes was waiting for her at the end of her bed. This was a normal present from her dad. Her birthday was the best one because it was right at the beginning of the summer in London, which meant all her friends from _Wycombe Abbey_ hadn’t travel yet. This summer was even more special, it was the last summer before Morgause went to university and officially cut relations to her childhood….to the plays with Morgana, Arthur, and Merlin.

She dressed up in her new clothes and went to take her breakfast. As usual, Uther had already gone to work, but he always came back at night to take her (and only her) to a special dinner. But as usual, Hunith, her and her siblings’ nanny had made breakfast to her and Arthur and Merlin were already eating (on the disgusting way the boys

\- Hey birthday lady, look at you- Hunith left the kitchen counter to fix her clothes better- I made an entire breakfast for you and Morgause was up until late fixing your all-girls party.

\- Thank you, Hunith- Morgana sited down on the table. She didn’t want to tell Hunith that Morgause was up until late with her boyfriend. Arthur said a quick ‘happy birthday” to Morgana with his mouth full of food.

Merlin, however, as he seemed to do often, glassed at Morgana with a full-on adoration look. He almost always looked flushed and shy when he was near Morgana. Now he looked starstruck. Morgana smiled at him and Merlin deeply blushed.

The rest of the day passed normally. Arthur and Merlin were both 11 years old and the holidays had just begun, they were out of the house as soon as they could. Morgana stayed in, her friends from _WA_ came by for lunch, where she would through a birthday lunch party on the party ballroom of, he mansion.

The lunch party was, indeed, very beautiful decorated, full of pink and purple balloons and great food by Hunith, and she got tons of presents. The ballroom was gigantic on a 13-year-old view and 25 pre-teen girls found it fascinating and so important. Morgause showed up to take "official" pictures and Morgana never had been as happy as this day. 

The ballroom door was always enormous and Hunith insisted on having it opened, so during one of the moments where Morgana could catch a break, she noticed that both Arthur and Merlin where sited by the end of the stairs looking adoring to the girls. They went away as soon as Morgana frowned at them.

When the party came to an end the ballroom was incredibly dirty and Morgana was exhausted. She and Morgause took all of her presents up to her room in 3 trips to the ballroom. At the end of the last trip, Morgana finally went to take a bath and look at her presents until she could go dinner with Uther. However, she noticed that a present bag was on top of the present pile, that wasn’t that before. She took the pack and opened it, revealing an old looking notebook with leather covers and yellow pages. Inside, it was written:” The _story of Princess Morgana, and how she dominated all the dragons from the country of Albion” by Merlin Emrys._ This was in Merlin's handwritten. Morgana never has gotten a better present.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Morgana sends a photo of Wynn to the rehab center when she's 4 months old. She never gets an answer-back.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

[Like you watched at fourteen as it went down the drain  
And pops stayed the same and your moms moved away](https://genius.com/Mat-kearney-ships-in-the-night-lyrics#note-2097119)

Morgana vowed that she would never be like her mother. She remembered that as har mother crawled Wynn in her arm. She recalled making this promise when she was 8 years old.

Vivienne Gorlois was a golden age French actress. She was born to be a diva, all blonde hair and brown eyes. The thoughts about marriage and children were thrown upon her and she wasn’t ready to take it. She met Morgause’s father at a Hollywood MET party, he was already married and in a lot of ways she only kept Morgause because she knew the man would hate it.

Uther fell for her as most people did: she was charming and had a French accent. They dated for over a year, enough time to have pictures in tabloids, to have a daughter and to Vivienne make Morgause’s father jealous. So, when Morgana was only 2 months old, Vivienne eloped with Morgause’s father (a huge scandal) and left her 2 daughters with Uther.

She was gone for 7 years and some months, send two postcards, one from Australia and one from Mexico. She wrote that she was traveling the globe, discovering herself, having the time of her life. Never once she wrote _‘I miss you”_ or ‘ _I love you’_. The 7 years without her wasn’t nearly enough time to heal. Morgana and Arthur hadn’t known another mother beyond Hunith. In Morgause’s time with her, Vivienne only spoke French, but when she left Morgause was so traumatized that she never (never) spoke French again, she also only started calling Uther ‘Father” only 2 years ago.

She came back in 1986, on a Sunday, calm morning. Morgause, age 13, went to get the door and when she started to take a long time Uther went to get her with Morgana. It was just the strangest scenario; A beautiful woman by the door, surrounded by bags, asking “ _How are you honey?”_ and saying “ _I missed you so much_ ’ while Morgause was catatonic. Uther made the first thing a parent do to protect their children; he went to the door and blocked the view from the girls and started to discuss with Vivienne.

Morgause ran to her room, locked it and didn’t came back. Morgana felt that she was numb, almost like she was an executor of her own life. She only remembers parts of that day. The thing she most remembers is Vivienne saying, ‘ _a Mother’s right_ ” and this phrase being screamed a lot. At some point, her mom finally managed to enter the house and bring the bags with her. She looked at Arthur and said she knew him; everybody knew when Uther Pendragon has a child. She recalls Vivienne toying with her, siting her in her lap and combing her hair, talking fast about the world, he presents to the girls, how her parents forgave her, and she was going back to France, with her parents. She recalled Uther’s steel expression, saying ‘ _You don’t have the right_!” and she is laughing at him.

Morgana didn’t say a word. The first time she felt like a puppet doll and she just couldn’t say anything. She got tons of presents, from every part of the world and Uther got the promise to hear from Vivienne’s lawyers. It was an amazing, scary experience.

It was worse for Morgause. She didn’t go out of her room. Uther took her dinner upstairs, got into her room and only came out when Morgause fell asleep. She also didn’t go to school on Monday and later that same week she went to a therapist.

Morgana would never be like her mom.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

The worst of everything was the tabloids. They made a scarcely when Morgan showed up in a maternity dress in the Paris Fashion Week 2005 with no partner. But she was strong and her clothes brand _“Avalon’_ had just been released. And when she came out of the Hospital, a sea of Paparazzi tried to take pictures of a 2 days old baby. Thank God that Arthur hired a security team.   
They spend a beautiful week in the Pendragons mansion, Uther prepared an entire nursery for Wynn and redecorated Morgana's room. His way of showing that he cared was spoiling his granddaughter rotten. Then Morgana went to her Penthouse in center London, where she had prepared Wynn's real nursery. She didn't release an official picture or the name, but Paparazzi took the baby's photos anyways and she then revealed Wynn’s name with an entirely new section of designed baby clothes with her name.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

[Like ships in the night letting cannon balls fly  
Say what you mean and it turns to a fight](https://genius.com/Mat-kearney-ships-in-the-night-lyrics#note-2097069)   
[Fist fly from my mouth as it turns south](https://genius.com/Mat-kearney-ships-in-the-night-lyrics#note-2097071)

**August 11 th,2007**

Wynn's 16 months old when Morgana knows Merlin's out of the rehab and back to his home in Ealdor. She scented him another photo on Wynn's first birthday but she still got no response. Wynn Pendragon is perfect in all the possible ways. Her black hair is fluffy and tamed, she was the palest baby ever, with such smooth skin. She has dimples and an adorable nose and huge, deep blue eyes. She had Merlin’s lips and chin. And when she looks at Morgana, everything seems to make sense.

Merlin shows up when Wynn is 20 months old. He shows up at Morgana’s penthouse, he has a suit on, his hair is tamed, and he shaved. He looks positively sober and clean, and he’s holding a red rose bouquet in one hand and one bag in the other. Morgana lets him in, seriously, what she was supposed to do?

For a moment, she visualized all the possible scenarios. She saw her again at 8 years old, with her mom by the door and her sister in her room. And her father protecting them. Now, she’s looking at Merlin at her own home, staring at him for 2 straight minutes until she could find her voice. She thanked heaven for Wynn to be sleeping at her nursery.

Merlin was more handsome than ever. Last time she saw him (pregnant of 5 months, she went to see him in his old, cranky apartment to tell him that they would have a daughter), he was deadly skinny, dirty and just the rest of the clothes. She was staring at him too much; Merlin blushed and offered her the rose. Morgana wanted to get the rose, she did, but what she saw herself doing was slapping Merlin’s face. Hard.

Morgana was never a violent person, she never even raised her voice, she was an English lady. But when Merlin looked at her confused about the slap, she felt her blood boil. She remembered that feeling, the helpless feeling she felt when meeting Vivienne. But now she was not going to be toyed with. She was furious and nothing was going to stop her.

\- What the hell Morgana?!

\- How dare you…- She slowly got closer to him, the rose was on the ground (just like their relationship) and Merlin made some steps back with her fury. – How dare you to vanish for all this time and show up at my door, your asshole?

\- Morgana….

\- No, I do the talking- she interrupted him- I waited for you, God knows for how long- Now Merlin averted his eyes – Now you’re back…. clean. And like nothing has happened.

\- I couldn’t come back while on drugs, Morgana!

\- So now you’re 100% clean?

\- I am.- Merlin sounded pound of himself.

Morgana gave him a dry, sarcastic laugh.

\- Congratulations…So that qualifies you to meet the baby, hum?

\- Drop the act Morgana, that’s not you. – Merlin said, looking put off.

\- No, I act the way I see a better fit for my child!- She faced him, a hard expression on her face – And now your plan its probably to go to her room, make her love you and then leave her to mend her own heart.

\- I had my excuses to not see her until now, but she’s our daughter….

\- She’s _MY_ daughter. I had her, I carried her for 9 months, I’m with her since her first day and I’ll be until my last day. Can you promise that?

Merlin looked unsure but started to slowly approach her. It was easy, she thought, to just forget what he did and fall back at his arms, but now she always had to think about her daughter first.

\- I promise you, Morgana Fay Pendragon- Morgana looked deep into his eyes (he’s _beautifu_ l and _trustful_ eyes)- That I changed and that I won’t abandon…… _your_

Morgana's eyes were filled with tears. But not because of what Merlin thought it was.

\- Yes, you will- Morgana gave a broken whisper – I know you better than yourself, and whenever you get scared you ran. But let tell me: More than half of the time being a parent is being scared. You get scared of streets, foods, high places, crowded places, and whispers in the night. You must be braver than ever being a parent.

\- I will be…. I am being braver just to talk to you. Morgana, you know me well, do you think I want to be like my father?

Morgana seized his image again. She reflected on herself, on how amazed she had been when Vivienne had come for her. Both Morgana and Merlin had similar stories with parents, but at least Vivienne eventually came around. Merlin’s father, Balinor Smith, got Hunith in love and pregnant and then ditched her. He couldn’t be a father, not now, not _with her. M_ erlin found him when he was 18, in a cottage near Kent. What he found there was the most heartbreaking thing: Balinor was happily married and had twin baby girls. To be rejected by a parent, to not even being _wanted_ hurts. And Morgana could see that was not the case. He had gone through a rough time, but he was her, he wanted his child.

Morgana stepped out, freeing Merlin’s way to the nursery. He looked hopeful at the highest degree.

\- Don’t even try to get on with me- She warned him- At this moment, she’s more than what you deserve.

The look on Merlin's face was of pure gratitude. Morgana watched as he went to Wynn’s nursery. _Well_ , she thought to herself, _anything is better than nothing._

_How many of our parents seem to make it anyway?_


	2. Healing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The healing is the hardest part in any situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello whoever made it here, i like you already.  
> Minor warning: death of two original characters.  
> Again: this is a non-linear story. Be patient. The story is based upon the song "Ships in the night" by Mat Kearly.  
> The theme of today is Healing! Lets get this party started.

 

And I’m at the airport  
Waiting on a second plane  
Had to pack you had cramps and I was late

**October 20 th, 2010**

Grandparents are extremely important in the raising of a child, Morgana knew that. Wynn was lucky since the beginning; Uther was in love with the idea of a granddaughter, so he was simply an amazing granddad. He made an entire nursery in his mansion for her, he would call almost daily and spend hours with her at the weekends. Everybody knew that if Merlin’s mother was alive, she would also be a great grandmother, but since she wasn’t, Merlin’s uncle Gaius was always present in Wynn’s life.

Morgana couldn't help to compare this much happiness in this relationship with her barren childhood. Uther's parents were long dead when Morgana was born. But everything changed when Vivienne showed up. The main reason for her coming back was that her money was over, and she had to come back to her parents' house in northern France.

Vivienne was the only daughter of Pierre and Therese-Louise Gorlois. They had a small farm and didn't want their daughter to be an actress. But they did want to have grandchildren, so when she came for them, their only complaint was that they had to meet their grandchildren. So, one week per year, since 1987, Morgause and Morgana went to their home and they called at least once a month. Morgause never spoke French again, so whenever they talked in French, she would answer in English. It was fine, she understood French and they understood English so only Morgana was left to learn French (which she did, _thank you very much_ ).

Morgana took Wynn to Pierre and Therese-Louise cottage when she was 2 months old and since then she expends 3 weeks there with Wynn. They just loved her. Morgana liked her grandparents, Pierre was a soft man, a little chubby and full of jokes while Therese was a stiff, rigid woman, just like Morgause. In 2010, Wynn was already fluent in French, she always went to a French-English nursery and she talked a lot with Pierre and Therese.

She was an incredibly smart child. Merlin had got a flat in Westminster city and would stay with her Monday, Thursday and Sunday and he took her to museums and parks. Merlin had a better life now, he was a published author (and incredibly, his books were a success) and he was dating a pediatrician, Dr. Ava Nimueh. She was an alright person.

Of course, those things aren't always good and in January Morgause decided to pause her career and go back to France to take care of their grandparents. Vivienne was off again shooting a movie and Pierre and Therese were getting worse in their health. That's how you know Morgause cares; she lives everything to care for the ones she loves.

In October, however, Morgana was awaked by her phone. Morgause had to call everyone and say that they both were dead. They died only with a couple of hours of difference. Morgause didn't sound like crying, she sounded upset like she was fucking _mad_. Morgause called _everyone_ because Merlin showed up with his suitcase packet saying there was an emergency flight booked for them. She was crying, and Wynn was crying, so Merlin was the one to pack the suitcases and put everyone into the flight.

Vivienne was coming from Hollywood; however, she would only arrive for the will's reading. The French cottage looked as beautiful as ever and Morgana couldn't believe that she didn't come to her in August, she didn't come because Arthur's son Alexander had just been born and she chooses to stay there instead of seen this couple. They were buried in the local cemetery, on a sunny day. A priest was praying in French and there were tons of people, neighbors, and friends that liked them. Morgana was dressed in black and Merlin was supporting her back and silencing Wynn. Morgause was by Merlin's side, near Wynn, who was crying.

She was the only one to wear pants and dark sunglasses. Wynn’s crying was getting loud and now she kept repeating ‘ _qui va parler avec moi en français maintenant?”._ Morgana tried to explain she could speak with her too, but in Wynn's mind, Morgana was set to speak in English. When neither Merlin or Morgana knew what to do, when she seemed to never stop crying, for everyone surprise, Morgause kneeled before Wynn and said, almost like she wasn't supposed to:" _Je peux parler avec Vous en français, mais seulement si Vous le gardez secret?"_

Wynn looked amazed like it was a big thing that her aunt could speak with her like that. Morgana couldn't feel prouder of her sister. It felt like she was finally outcome a trauma like she made peace with something deep inside her.

When everyone went away and Vivienne finally arrived at the cottage 2 days after the burial, an old family lawyer sat Morgana, Morgause and Vivienne for the will’s reading. Morgause got all their farmland, Morgana got their (little) money and Wynn got the cottage. Vivienne left the house and never came back to that place.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chasing dreams since the violent 5th grade  
Trying to believe in your silent own way

**May 19 th, 2008- Albion’s release day**

Wynn was the most beautiful kid ever in Merlin’s eyes. Morgana said she had his chins, but it was Hunith’s chin, Merlin could see it. She was 2 years old now, almost 3, and she was perfect.

He lived with uncle Gaius, who sometimes looked like his guardian angel in disguise. 3 times a week Merlin got to pick Wynn from her French-English nursery (he can't understand half what the teachers say) and spend the afternoon with her. He takes her to the park, or a museum and buys her ice cream and candy. It took a while for Wynn to understand that he was her dad. He had to come around Morgana's house for weeks and talk and take pictures with Wynn and go on walks with both Morgana and Wynn until getting the trust from both Morgana and Wynn.

Today was a special day, after everything. Merlin had been writing since he was 5 years old, inventing knight stories for him and Arthur. And when he asked Gaius to put him into rehab, the only thing he did besides getting his treatment was writing. Sad stories, love stories, journal entries about his detox, letters to his deceased mother and letters of what he wanted to say to his newborn daughter. Uncle Gaius sender him an entire novel he wrote when he was 11(Morgana didn’t want it anymore, _ouch_ ) and he started to re-read and editing those words.

He worked a year on that novel and more than a year on getting it published and now this day had come. “ **Albion** ” was the first novel of a trilogy about a princess that would heritage the throne from her father and had to keep dragons away from the city. It initially had the princess named after Morgana, but Merlin decided to change it to _‘Wynn’_. He wanted that story to be a role, a lead for his daughter to grow to. He never thought about being a good writer, but his publisher was throwing a release party so maybe he wasn’t _that_ awful of a writer.

It was in a restaurant, there were businesspeople and his agent, Kilgarah Smith and tons of food and posters of _Albion_ ’s Maps around the room. Merlin was extremely nervous; Gaius went with him because they were pretty much living together. Some friends from rehab came around, some neighbors and some passers also stopped to look at the maps. Surprising, Arthur and Gwen Pendragon came by bringing Wynn with them.

\- I can’t believe it! – Arthur hugged Merlin tightly.

\- Congratulations Merlin- Gwen also hugged him, all proudful.

\- Congratulations daddy- Wynn squealed.

Wynn wasted no time and asked to be picked up by Merlin, which he promptly did. Both Arthur and Gwen had this subtle, cool in-love-couple air around them, a kind of thing that Merlin deeply envied. Gwen was a movie director, all arts and crafts while Arthur was lucky if he read a book once a year. They still looked good together, they _felt_ good together.

\- Yes, I finally finished a draft, I hope it's not an epic failure. – Merlin dismissed their happiness.

\- Well, I don't think it's going to be the next Harry Potter, but it will do alright sell- Kilgarah approached them looking smug like he knew something nobody else knew.

\- Arthur, Gwen, this is my publisher Kilgarah Smith- Merlin introduced them- And this is my friends and my daughter Wynn. - Kilgarah tried to smile at her but she has hidden between Merlin's shoulder, getting shy.

Arthur and Gwen grabbed a copy of the book and sat down together with Merlin and Wynn (who was trying to spell out the names of the tiny maps of the book, preconscious child she was).

\- And when is Morgana coming? - Merlin asked Gwen when Arthur was busy trying to read the front page.

\- She went out daddy- Wynn interfered, always listening to everything on her surroundings.

\- She will come, but a bit later- Gwen looked apologizing- She met this actor on one of my red carpets party, they went out tonight, but she will be around for the drinks afterward.

\- Oh, I see. - Merlin felt a little bit hurt, he had worked hard to this day and she went out with some bloke. But he didn’t let that transpire, he had his daughter to entertain now.

The party ran smoothly. The restaurant food was delicious, the guests had a great time, Wynn had opened herself to everyone, running around telling her own stories and saying she would be a writer just like her dad when she grew up. Around the middle of the party, Kilgarah got everyone together for a brief speech and called Merlin out to do the first reading.

Merlin got up nervously and cleared his throat.

\- I'm so glad I have so many important people in here, it's extremely important to be surrounded by the ones you love- Merlin looked over at Arthur, Gwen, and Wynn- and the ones you admire- He glanced at Gaius who was near Kilgarah- in an important day like this one.

Merlin’s voice felt like raw sand.

\- But here we are to hear the first chapter of this tiny thing- Everyone laughed, the book was almost 600 pages long.

\- “Albion by Merlin Emrys”- Merlin started- “In a land of myth, and a time of magic- His eyes were caught by the restaurant’s door, through where Morgana, looking dashing came in. She came near where the crowd was and stood listening- The destiny of a great kingdom rests on the shoulders of a young girl. Her name….

Merlin finally found his voice in the prospect of seeing Morgana and of seeing his daughter’s eyes light up with joy.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

I turn the lights down low  
Walk these halls alone  
We can feel so far from so close

**March 4th,2010**

Morgana was anxious about this afternoon; it was a milestone in her relationship with Merlin and their daughter. Morgana had met the actor Percival Sire in 2008 when Gwen release the love movie "Mists of time' was being released. Percival was an incredible boyfriend, he was very handsome, a real English gentleman. He played cricket on Sunday with his family and was always calling her. He was also a divorced parent of a little boy named Alfie and because of that, he was great with Wynn.

He already met Merlin but today it was the first time they were all going out together, them and Merlin with his new girlfriend, Ava. Merlin and Ava had come around by the end of 2009, but they never had time to have this date. Now they’re going to do a picknick. Percival hadn’t said it, but Morgana knew he liked Merlin _more_ now he was dating somebody else. It was a beautiful, not warm, but beautiful day for a picknick near the Dean’s woods.

\- Daddy! - Wynn ran to him, hugging his legs like he could get away anytime soon.

\- Hey princess Wynn, how are you doing? - Merlin picked her up. - Say hello to Ava.

\- Hi Dr. Nimueh- She called out. Wynn was a smart, sweet child, she was well behaved but nothing that either Morgana or Merlin did could make her say their date's names.

Morgana couldn't help but smile at this fact. The picknick table was already set up, with a bunch of foods and Morgana put the dishes she brought on the table. She couldn't help but notice how handsome Merlin looked. He was working out, his spring clothes catching on his slims muscles. He looked clean, shaved, his blue eyes were shining, and he had his young smile on again.

Sure, Ava was also beautiful, but startle, she had an incredible resemblance to Morgana, she noticed. She had pitch-black hair, pale skin, and blue eyes. She was beautiful in an uncertainly way, dressed in a floral-red dress and had a refreshing look. Percy was nothing like Merlin, at least Morgana had that. Merlin was a soft boy looking while Percy was manly, he had a heavy voice, he had muscles and could open cans with his bare hands. They were different.

\- Hi Morgana, I'm Ava – She extended her hand for Morgana to shake- I must say that I just love your clothes, they're a favorite of mine.

\- Oh, that’s very kind of you, I’ll be sure to send Merlin some things for you.

Morgana changed her attention to Merlin and Percy, they were exchanging pleasantries, bother their chests puffed, trying to make both their life’s look amazing. Percy left Merlin when he saw Morgana approaching, saying he was going to meet Ava.

\- She seems a very nice girl, Merlin- Morgana pointed it out.

\- Well, she is, I was tired of getting my heart broken by bad girls- Merlin smiled at his own, private sad joke.

Morgana knew that he wasn’t talking about her, and she knew why that must hurt.

\- Do you have any news on Freya? – Morgana asked out of pity, looking at marlins still expression watching their daughter on the field.

\- She sender me a letter congratulating me for my second book said she's a fan of mine.

\- She would be crazy to not be. - Morgana hugged Merlin’s back, resting her head on the cock on his shoulder.

Percy must have seen them because he called out for Morgana to come to eat. Around 1 pm their table was busied with loud conversation. There was a wine for the adults and grape juice for Wynn (she wanted to have what the adults were having). Wynn would tell funny anecdotes, and everyone would talk about the weather, their jobs, and the economy.

Merlin bought a kite and started teaching Wynn how to put it on the sky while everyone watched. Percival offers himself to record this.

\- My sister-in-law Gwen is pregnant for the first time- Morgana mentioned to Ava, during the conversation.

\- Oh, when she’s due? And what gender is the baby? - Ava asked.

\- She’s due in August but they don’t want to know the gender, they wanted it to be a surprise. - Both Morgana and Ava laughed at that.

What Morgana didn’t tell was that there was a family bet on the gender and that Arthur was just flipping out with worry, he was sure it was a girl(his only good experience with babies had been with Wynn) and he just wouldn’t stop buying, fixing, arranging things.

\- Morgana and I are thinking of taking a holiday to Bali this July- Percy mentioned to Ava and Merlin when they were sharing the deserts.

\- Are we? - Morgana was caught in surprise.

\- Yes, we are- Percy confirmed- Can you guys watch Wynn for this time? Arthur and Gwen will still be very pregnant in July.

Merlin and Ava exchanged a glance between them.

\- My third novel comes out in the July 1th and then we’re going in an international book tour- Merlin said- But I can take her through the first week, its Europe on the first week.

Morgana wasn’t sure, not of letting Merlin take care of Wynn but of traveling without her. It would be the first time, she always brings her daughter with her since ever, in work travels or holidays. Part of this came because her mom traveled all the time _without_ her. But then, seeing how much Percy wanted that, how he was planning and taking care of booking and how excited he was she decided to go.

After lunch, Wynn already knew how to fly a kite and they all had eaten a lot. The whole time Percy held Morgana's hand, hugged her, basically was creating his place as an _alpha_. They helped each other to clean the picknick table, to set everything on their cars and later they said their goodbyes.

\- Bye Daddy, bye Dr. Nimueh, I had a great time. - Wynn said while on Merlin’s hip, while he tried to put her in Morgana’s car.

\- Bye warrior- said Merlin- We’re seeing each other very soon, okay? - Merlin was glancing at her. Wynn just nodded; she was very tired.

Both couples said goodbye in a very friendly way. Morgana couldn't believe how happy she felt. 5 years ago, she was miserable, in a dark place, but look at her family now, everyone was doing fine, a new baby in the family and Merlin was doing fine. She only wishes they could be closer than what they are now.

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Morgause is doing fine, not great. She put her career in a pause to take care of their grandparents but after October she fell off short. She started to drink a lot. So much that in November, Uther took an entire week off his work to bring Morgause to his mansion and stay with her an entire week. Morgana always wondered about it, every time Morgause was down for some reason Uther and he would spend a long period alone and then she would be healed. It was a mystery, but it worked.

Morgause stopped drinking and got back into her career in 2011. But she sold her old home and bought an apartment near Uther’s mansion.

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**January 2th,1997- Pendragon Mansion**

Winter holidays were always in the Mansion. Summer and spring holidays were in exotic places, but winter was in the mansion. This one was special for Morgana, was the first time she came to this mansion, the first time she was in college and had to come to her own house. She felt so important. She was in her second year of Fashion school in _Central St. Martin_. She had her first _break_ with her new boyfriend, Gwain Knight.

What a cock he was. Always sleeping around, so she needed a break. The mansion looked beautiful, all light up and in Christmas Hunith had cooked an honest to god feast. Morgause had come and Arthur was excitedly talking about his uni. During the entire time during the feast, Arthur, at the head of the table, was only watching his children bickering at the table with a small smile, like he was watching his little heaven.

Hunith and her son Merlin never had stayed for the feast, even with Uther inviting them. But on January 2th Hunith was already up, fixing the mansion and food for them. Morgana was out on the huge winter garden, wandering through the little maze that was there while watching the snow on the ground. It was chilling but not cold, she had her red coat on and was distracted by the beauty of winter.

She came into the heart of the maze, where a bench and an angel statue were. There Merlin ( _young, young, young_ ) was, absorbed in his tiny notebook, writing away.

\- I’m still waiting, you know. - Morgana startled him. Merlin jumped so high that Morgana fell into a laughing fit.

\- That was not funny Morgan! - Merlin left his notebook at the bench and got closer to Morgana- What are you waiting for?

\- The second part of the novel you wrote to me- Morgana still had laughed in her voice.

\- Oh, that old thing?- Merlin asked, Morgana only nodded- The end is easy: Princess Morgana slew the dragon- Merlin gave a step closer to her- She raised her kingdom to maximum power- Another step closer- and then she went to college.- Merlin was now all the way staring down at her.

 _He grew taller_ , Morgana thought, as sirens in her head were playing _young, young, young_ , on and on. She loved his eyes, always did, they were always open and clear like a summer sky.

\- Well, it was quite the summary. But whatever happened to her friend Camil, he was cute. - She whispered to him. Merlin’s eyes lighted up.

\- She stole his first kiss and locked it up in a tower, for him to find again. - He whispered back, looking at her lips.

The moment seemed still on time. Morgana head-on and on about how he was young, and he always had a crush on her, and how she was only on a break. Seeing Morgana starting to doubt this precious moment, Merlin closed their gap in space and locked his lips on hers.

Their lips were cold because of the weather, but the warm on their bodies was enough to heat the kiss. It was chaste, pure, it started to snow just at this moment, so it was perfect. Morgana's first kiss was sloppy and messy, nothing like this one, sweet, almost childlike. When they finally parted, Morgana took a while to open up her eyes, just to see Merlin starring at her like a puppy.

\- It’s a great story- Morgana said- Hope he finds a way to the tower.

Morgana left the maze with a smile on her face, while Merlin just stood there. Watching she go away like she was indeed a royalty member.

_We’re just fumbling through the gray_   
_Trying to find a heart that’s not walking away_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sup? Did you like it? Live kudos or comment, it helps a lot.  
> Translate from the french parts:  
> 'Whos gonna talk in french with me now?'  
> 'I can talk with you in french but only if you keep a secret"  
> Hint for next chapater: its the beginning of the circle of life.


	3. Pregnancy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The circle of life starts here. But its a major decision on this story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just one excuse for my delay: College finals. Its bad, but its real.

**You’re down the driveway**

**I’m on the couch**

**March 24th,2005- Morgana’s Penthouse**

Morgana barely made out of her bed before vomiting in her bedroom carpet. This was horrible, how can she make it for 8 more months? The images from yesterday came to her mind, of crying in the bathroom _(alone_ ), making herself sick with worry and not eating at all. Of getting a disguise and buying a pregnancy test( _alone_ ). Taking the test and seeing it turn a positive sign( _alone_ ). She could phone Gwen, but she and Arthur were still on their honeymoon year, no time for someone’s drama. She could call Morgause, or God forbid it, dad, but she was too ashamed.

No, no, she doesn’t have anything to be ashamed, at all because she was a conscious adult, she had a million-dollar clothes company. Getting pregnant wasn’t a shameful thing, it was sudden, but not shameful. And now the test was positive, Morgana wanted that baby. She wanted it and she would be better than her mother, she would protect it and care for it.

Okay, firsts things first: family. She needed to tell it to her siblings and her dad. She got her phone and set up a dinner at Uther's with the whole family tomorrow. After that: professional. What could she do with her brand? She would have to appear on official red carpets and parties and Fashion Weeks. She went through her schedule to make an appointment with her employees to make the decisions for the next months.

Oh, God almighty. A baby. She didn't even have a dog, because that would be too much responsibility. How Morgana will care for a child? When her mother left her and Merlin….

Merlin. She had to tell him. He was doing well, he was. Or she thought he was. He told everyone that he was getting better, that's why he lived with Morgana for 2 months this year. That's why Morgana finally gave in with him and they spend two passion months making love in her apartment, telling everyone that they were roommates. But the thing is, Morgana traveled all the time, and if he said he was doing fine, she'd believe it. But he wasn't.

Three days ago, he came home smelling like pot and cigars and he was _high._ They entered in a fight, not a violent one because if Merlin was normally calm, _high_ he was a monk. He got some of his stuff and went away. He was gone through the driveway while Morgana cried herself to sleep on her couch.

She never felt this betrayed before. Not even when Gwain was a total slut on college (because she also slept around on college) not even when Leon (a prince, for goodness sake) asked her to marry him. This, right here, was her first heartbreak.

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Morgana does eventually tell Merlin. His new apartment is dirty, in a bad part of the town, and he looks like a ghost. She's not sure if he heard her, his eyes are wide and glazed, his arms have purple marks all over and he _stinks a_ little bit. Morgana only tells him “I’m pregnant’ and leaves.

She never knows, but Merlin calls Gaius begging for help on the next day.

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**March 25 th, 2005- Pendragon’s Mansion**

The mansion is always great. When Morgana arrives the dinner table is set and the maid tells her that Uther just arrived from his office and was running late. Surprising, Arthur and Gwen were already there, they put on some light jazz music(Gwen's dad was a famous singer) and were making out in the living room when Morgana came in.

\- Didn't you guys just come from your honeymoon? - Morgana asked in a laughing tone. She thought that seeing a couple in love would make her heart hurt a little, but she had begun understanding that this could never happen with a couple like Arthur and Gwen.

\- We just never came back from the honeymoon, Morgs- Gwen stopped her snogging session with Arthur to change the records.

The three of them set down waiting for Uther to come down while talking about nothing and anything. Gwen would release her first film ever and Arthur was going in a businessman meeting at the end of the month. They were planning on spending this summer holiday in the Caribbean (winter holidays were on the Mansion). Uther came down looking worn down, but happy to see everyone. They still waited with a bunch of drinks (Morgana didn't drink) and small talking until Morgause arrived at 8 pm. Uther had this rule that diner days couldn't start until all his kids were present.

At the dinner table, Uther set on the head of the table as always, Arthur was his left and Morgause at his right. Gwen set aside of Arthur and Morgana set by Morgause's side. Diners used to be a quiet time at the Pendragon's, but since Uther was alone, he insisted on getting everyone telling something during the diner. The conversation was so loud, and Morgana was so distracted that she didn't even know what was being served. The buzz around the table went like:

\- Our oil stock is getting shorter………….

\- We booked this beautiful hotel next to St. Lucia……………

\- The UK is going to win next year…………

\- My latest client hates being photographed, he wants to have his image painted……….

\- Are you alright Morgana? - Uther asked her while she was smashing her food mindlessly to keep from talking.

\- Hum? Sorry dad, can you repeat the last part? - Morgana looked around her, seeing that everyone had stopped and was staring at her.

\- I was just asking if you didn’t also think that it would be a nice time for your brother and your sister-in-law to give me a grandchild. - Uther stopped, looking at her- Don’t you think?

Uther stared at her, and she wondered if he had an instinct for knowing something was up with his kids. But before she could answer the conversation started again, Gwen saying _” We already talked about this, we don’t feel prepared_ ’, Arthur rolling his eyes and Morgause saying all the reason a _young couple_ shouldn't have a baby. Uther's argument that he was getting old, his house was getting lonely. Morgana didn't think she could bear this buzz anymore, she started getting dizzy. By the time Morgana heard Morgause saying: _"here are all the reasons why a person with less than 30 years old shouldn’t have a baby………’_ Morgana violently got up from her seat, throwing her napkin on the table. All the conversation stopped and once again everyone was staring at her.

\- I’m pregnant.

With that, she ran to throw up on the bathroom.

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**August 18 th,2010**

When Gwen first got pregnant, it was a thoughtful thing. Not like Morgana’s, that was a surprise and unplanned. Arthur was steady on his job, Gwen was a successful director, making big blockbusters and they just had bought a private home at the end of Sussex. Having a kid looked like the next logical step.

Morgana couldn't help feeling like Gwen's pregnancy was a mockery of her own. She never seemed to get sick, no pains or swollen foot, all maternity clothes looked great on her. Most of all, she had a partner. While pregnancy was awesome for Gwen, Arthur had become a hot mess. They didn't want to know the gender, wanted it to be ' _an old fashion thing_ ". So, Arthur spent the 9 months setting the nursery, making all the parenting classes in the world and reading all kinds of books, from name books to parenting-you-kid-until-college.

Morgause, Morgana, Gwen, and Uther thought it was the funniest thing ever.

So, when everyone was called on August 18th to the maternity side, Morgana was an overall happy. Morgana went to retrieve Wynn from her kindergarten to go to the hospital while Merlin was meeting them there. Wynn was excited, she loved watching Gwen's belly stretch and now she had her beautiful blue eyes shining with joy.

Merlin was waiting for them at the hospital doors, dressed in his social black clothes and was holding his writing notebook at hand. He fell into a big smile when Wynn ran to him, picking her up and swinging her in his arms. Morgana couldn’t help but think that was a beautiful familiar picture.

Gwen’s room was shinning with sunlight and everything looked calm when they entered there. Gwen was at her bed (looking dashing beautiful) holding a little blue wrap in her arms. Arthur was by her side, watching the baby attentively while Uther, the proud grandfather set on one of the chairs, looking at everyone.

\- Look at you guys! - Morgana said to everyone. She went to the bed and carefully hugged Gwen and congratulated her brother and sister-in-law.

Merlin had passed Wynn to Uther, which was hugging her and telling the story about how she had also been that little once. Merlin also came around to say his congratulations and Morgause came bursting into the room carrying begs and beg of gifts. Presents to the baby and Gwen and surprizing, to Arthur. Tons of pictures were taken and when it was time to let Wynn see and hold the baby, it was Arthur holding Wynn next to the baby.

\- Do you see him? – Wynn nodded at Arthur’s question. - We must take care of him more than anything, right? - Wynn smiled at her uncle.

They put Wynn in one chair and fixed it so she could first hold the baby and took pictures of them.

\- What are you guys naming him? Now, that does have a gender. - Merlin asked while Morgause was taking pictures of the kids.

\- His clearly a Douglas! - Everyone laughed at Morgana's joke.

\- Ha-ha, very funny Morgana- Arthur seemed annoyed- His name is Alexander Arthur Pendragon.

\- That’s a proper family name, I tell you all- Uther was getting emotional watching Wynn slowly smooth the baby’s little blond hair.

The talking buzz was a warm environment, everyone was excited about Alexander, everyone was talking and recording and taking pictures, everyone stopped dead when Wynn said, plain and clear, looking straight at her parents:

\- I want one of these.

Merlin and Morgana glanced at each other.

\- Are you talking about the presents, warrior? - Merlin started approaching his daughter- Because you have a bunch of this at your house.

\- No daddy- Wynn rolled her eyes and pointed for Alex, who was in Uther’s arms now- I want a baby for me. You and mommy can make one for me, right?

Morgana didn’t know what to answer. Merlin was a bit quicker than her and explained:

\- Yes, but now I and mommy are just friends. Mom is with Percival now, remember? - He asked.

\- Maybe you can have fun with your baby cousin and see if you like babies? - Morgause interfered- You can have a test drive before actually asking for one for yourself?

That seemed to be enough for little Wynn. To do a test drive with this first baby and then asking for a brother. Morgana felt relieved, but she couldn't stop noticing that Merlin hasn't mentioned that he was with Ava. She glanced at Merlin, who was already sweetly watching her, and she realized Marlin was probably single again. She convinced herself that she wasn't _glad_ because of that. Nope.

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**May 5 th,2012**

Life is funny in so many crazy ways. When Morgana was 5 years old, she never would guess where she found herself right now. For the third time, she was in a crowned maternity room, this time for the arrival of Arthur and Gwen's twins. 2012 was the year of surprises. Arthur and Gwen were still trying to figure out how to be parents when Gwen got pregnant with the twins that just came into the world.

And Morgana and Merlin weren’t expecting another baby so soon after getting back together, but here Morgana was, 6 months pregnant. Yes, Merlin and Morgana again. It had been a crazy ride, full of misunderstandings and breakups (Ava and Percival had been gone) but last winter they decided to go live together.

They bought a house in Kingston Gardens and now they had to pack a nursery too. Anyways, Thomas William Pendragon and Lachlan Uther Pendragon were one day old and already had the hearts of everyone. But not Alex, who was sad that he has two brothers now.

\- How are you feeling Arthur? - Merlin asked his friend, who was looking at his son's sleeping.

\- Oh, you know, trying to get their personalities- Arthur spoke like he wanted to assure himself to Merlin- You see, Lachlan here is calm and collected- Arthur pointed to one of the babies- And Thomas is a little devil- He pointed to the other one.

Merlin watched his friend contemplate the babies, trying to sort something out.

\- You don't know which one is which, right? - Merlin whispered to him.

\- I have no idea how to tell them apart- Arthur confessed.

Morgana was sited in one of the maternity chairs and analyzing the differences between her first and her second pregnancy. In her first one, she was scared, in pain, swollen and always vomiting. On her second she was in pain and swollen and vomiting BUT she had a partner. She would wake up every day to a set breakfast and Wynn was ready for school and her staff was ready for the office.

Merlin took Wyn to school and picked her up and played on their trampoline in the backyard when Morgana was feeling sick. They had the baby shower and discovered that everyone was watching them closer than ever, trying to measure if Merlin wasn't going to live Morgana again. Morgause was a constant in their lives, she came around when no one expected, saying she wanted to spend time with her niece, but always watching Merlin.

Uther hadn't liked the news. He had taken years to soft to Merlin's point of view again, but the prospect of another kid made him aware of everything. But now he seemed to be getting calmer around them again. Morgana watched as they try to take the first picture of all the cousins: Wynn was at Alex's side and each of them was holding a baby. Morgause was trying to get them to smile for the camera. Merlin was near her, with a lot of colored toys on his hands trying to catch the kid's attention. Morgana watched that scene and thought that yes, life was funny in so many crazy ways.

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**September 1st,2012- Maternity Ward**

Morgana just didn't have luck in pregnancy-labor aspects. By the time her second ( _and last_ , mind you) child came bursting through her lady parts she decided that she was 100% done this part of her life. It doesn't matter that Merlin was there for support, that he cried when holding the baby for the first time or that he recorded the whole(ugly) process of the labor, this little mister that she had birthed was the last one.

Oh yes, it was a boy. Morgana smiled at the little blue wrap she was now holding. He was just a couple of hours old and he smelled perfect and was just so beautiful that she felt her eyes watering again. Merlin had been there this time, from the first pains to his first breath but now he had gone pick up Wynn at her grandfather. Wynn was the most exciting kid ever, she spent the last months around her three cousins trying to _“learn to care for her brother better”._

It also helped that all her family was in town, her dad, her brother, and his kids and her sister. She had just stopped her son's first breastfeeding with the help of a nurse when Merlin entered carrying Wynn. Merlin had this complex where he would try to carry Wynn for as long as his back aloud. Merlin was dressed like he just went through a hurricane: messy bed hair, wrinkled unwashed clothes and he hadn't slept last night.

Wynn was all over the place with her energy, her black hair was tight in a ponytail and she had a light blue-green dress that made her pale skin and her blue eyes glow. Uther came right behind them, recording everything. Merlin got near the maternity bed and brought Wynn closer to look at the baby. Wynn stopped to analyze the baby in her mothers' arms, she made a thoughtful expression and looked seriously to her mom and dad before saying:

\- This one will do.

Everyone shared a laugh at this. Morgause arrived just in time to see Wynn hold her brother for the first time, in a couched chair, holding him next to her chest and blowing small kisses in his forehead. Uther informed that Arthur and Gwen were going to come later, the twins were running a fever. The room was full of gift bags, from Morgana’s business partners and her family and it seemed endless.

Around noon everyone seemed satisfied, Morgana had a meal and the others had eaten as well. The baby had fallen asleep in Morgauses arm and now it was Uther’s time to cuddle the new-born in his arms. Merlin decided that he wanted to take a nap in the maternity chair, leaving Morgana to gaze over her room, her father with her son, her sister cuddling her daughter and they both speaking quietly in French. Uther gazed back to her and smiled, content with how everything had been going.

\- We’re going to call him Sion, did you know that? - Morgana whispered to Uther, winning a slight chuckle from him- To do a sib set, Wynn and Sion Gaius Pendragon-Emrys.

\- It’s a great name, Morgana- Uther said- And you did great, honey.

Morgana’s heart was filled with pride now. She felt her heart full and she was tired, she figured that a nap wouldn’t do any harm.

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Having a second child was nothing like Morgana had imagined. When Sion was 9 months old Merlin had developed a system of waking up, taking Sion and Wynn for breakfast while Morgana was getting ready for her work and then cleaning up after the mess in the kitchen while Morgana dressed the kids. Every day they got in their car with the children in the back-sit and Wynn and Sion played "who can scream louder at the songs in the car'.

Wynn was a beautiful 7 years old girl and the only difference between the 2 of them was that Wynn had violent blue eyes and Sion had green eyes. Sion and Wynn are easily the easiest bonds between siblings ever. Morgana genially thought she was in heaven in many days of her new life.

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**2014**

Merlin never told anyone but, at the beginning of 2014, Freya looked for him. She sent a letter from her monastery, once again congratulating him for his books and his new kid and Merlin decided to go on a lunch with her. She looked much healthier than the last time he saw her, back in 2004. She was a nun now, she proudly said, she was in the countryside, devoting her life to the community.

Looking at her after 10 years, Merlin couldn’t picture himself liking the girl she had been at the time. Freya was the leading singer at a punk band called _The Coven_ and they dated for 3 years. Most of that time is a blur of music, sex, and heavy, heavy drugs. They ended when she had a cocaine overdose on her trailer and got into a one-year rehab. They both had come a long way now, Merlin realized.

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**January 5 th, 2018.**

Morgana couldn’t understand how on earth Arthur and Gwen wanted to have another kid, but here she was on their third baby shower. The snow was heavy, so all the guests had to be on the ballroom of Uther's mansion, which was decorated in baby colors and had tons of kids running around.

Merlin was by her side, he had decided to grow his beard this month, Arthur and Gwen were receiving the gifts from the guests and Sion, Thomas and Lachlan were probably smashing some expensive glass in someplace in the house. They were like the trio of demons you never wanted to be unleashed. Alex was the sweet boy that stayed next to his mom already training to be the big brother of a girl while Wynn was being her preteen she was, playing on her found and ignoring everyone.

It was an exciting thing, after all, the last baby the Pendragons were going to produce, and it was going to be a girl (Arthur had been so happy on this). It was going to be called _Juno Grace Ygraine_ and everyone was expecting this baby like it was the next big hit.  Merlin and Morgana both agreed that two kids were ideal for them, but they did like the idea of a new baby.

Uther was noticeably getting older, he was grey-headed and had attrite now, he was getting weaker and from time to time he worked from home. He was glowing right now though, taking care of his grandchildren. Around the time Morgana was helping to cut the cake for the guests Merlin was trying to calm all the boys down while Arthur made a speech about this being the last baby shower of them.

When night arrived, they finally came around to bring Sion to his sit and make him use the seatbelt and Wynn complained her way into the car and they said their goodbyes and got into the road to their home.

\- Do you think about maybe- Merlin asked Morgana halfway through when he saw the kids were sleeping- Having another kid?

Morgana glanced in his direction whit humor on her eyes.

\- Honestly, I’m counting the years until our last one is gone to college- Morgana laughed- Why? Do you want another one?

\- Today a gang of 6-years-olds kicked my legs because I offered them a cake. - Merlin said, seriously- I don't want another baby.

Morgana smiled at that and stared at the road ahead of them.

\- But I do want something else- Merlin interrupted her line of thoughts- Do you want to get married?

Morgana's breath seemed to have stopped a little. She looked at him like he had grown another head.

\- I mean, we already did everything else BUT getting married- Merlin laughed nervously- We have two kids, a house together…..We use the bathroom at the same time already!- Morgana joined Merlin in an open laugh this time- Getting married is the last-first step.

Morgana stared at Merlin, really seeing him, then looked at their kids in the backseat.

\- Yeah, we can get married.

Both Merlin and Morgana smiled the dumb smiley on their faces the rest of the ride.

**Cause we’ll be okay; I’m not going away**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, sorry to bother. Thank you for the support and leave comments and kudos. Next chapter is heating up.


	4. The Hurting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The hurting was so easy to happen, to beggin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello whoever is reading this. If you were actually waiting for this chapater, im sorry for the delay, my writers block was awful.  
> Again: Is based on 'Ships in the night' by Matt Keaney.  
> Today theme is hurt, be warned againts ville language and drug abuse.

**Feels like we’re burning this out on our own**

**February 3th,2000**

Heroin used to never be the answer, just a passing hobby for Merlin, but now it felt like an escape. So, what, he ran during his mother’s funeral and expended all his money on heroin and cocaine with Mordred, and he was probably having an overdose right now, but _who cares_? Balinor certainly didn't. One week ago, when all the doctors had given up on Hunith, when she accepted her end, she asked Merlin to find his father, to have some remnants of a family.

Merlin did it, he found Balinor Smith, leaving the greatest life in a cottage near Kent. His wife was beautiful, and they just had twin baby daughters. When Merlin tried to approach, Balinor took him aside and explained that he had to go away, that he wasn’t his father, not _really_ and that Merlin would spoil his new life. Merlin could deal with that, but one-week later Hunith died in a cold hospital and it wasn't _fair_.

Merlin tried to stay clean during the wake of her death, but to watch her casket go under the earth was too painful, so Merlin left uncle Gaius's side and ran to the stinky apartment of Mordred, his best school mate, and bought everything he had on drugs. He now laid on one of the mattresses on Mordred's apartment floor, together with about 6 other people. At that moment in his hazel mind, everyone there wore his best friends ever, all of them wanted him well and cared for his happiness, which was inside those drugs.

Mordred, especially Mordred, loved him. He was just like Merlin: tall, pale, thinner than a paper and had blue eyes, which were constant distant because of the narcotics. They met in high school when Arthur had been gone to a fancy all-boys school, _taking care of his future_ , like he said, and left Merlin to a public school, with barely any support. Mordred was different than Arthur because he was always by Merlin's side, he brought the good stuff with only the minimal charge and he praised Merlin. Calling him a _genius_ , a _man ahead of his time_. Merlin soaked himself in that kind of attention.

Attention. What a strange, funny word. It can spin a person's world completely upside down if one is not careful enough. Huniths attention was gone, just like Arthurs and Morgana. Merlin even missed Morgause's attention, the kind that made his skin crawl with the worry of doing something wrong. At the funeral, all the Pendragons had been there. Arthur was crying together with Merlin, Hunith had been his only mother, Merlin was his only brother, in some sense.  Merlin was selfish in his pain, through and through.

He didn’t know how long he was in Mordred’s apartment, but the funeral seemed so long ago. All the time here, Merlin had only known bliss and warmness, the fussiness he was feeling, and the lack of audition and sight was just a bothersome passing thing. That’s what he told himself. Merlin only understood something was up when he passed out after seeing Arthur burst through the door, screaming his name. Fuck you, Arthur.

……………………………………………………………...……………………………………………………………………………….

That was Merlin's first overdose. It was fun during the occurrence but the afterward was a nightmare, he woke to Gaius on his bedside, not crying, just looking worried. He had been gone for 3 days until Arthur found him, just in time to save him and punch Mordred. Everyone was worried and Gaius told him he would be going into rehab. Merlin didn't need rehabilitation, he was fine, he wanted to change, and he would change. But seeing Gaius so worried and talking about loans and expenses made him think twice.

So, there he went, to a rehabilitation center in the countryside. It was an expensive place, full of capable doctors and nurses and psychiatrists and Merlin couldn't even feel like he was in a paid prison. He had tons of roommates, all with different stories and backgrounds. In music therapy, he met a beautiful skinny girl, named Freya. She was the spitting image of Morgana and Merlin was immediately attracted to her smile. Their only difference was their attitude, Morgana was a princess, Freya was a crazy, musical girl.

While Morgana smiled sweetly, Freya’s smile was a hurricane. She played all the instruments, was too thin and had her arms covered up in badges. When asked why she was there, she only said it was a set up from her old bandmates. She wrote a song called ‘ _I hate you_ " and played it on and on. She would sleep in merlin's bed all the time and they would feel like sneaky bastards. When Merlin went away from rehab, he got her number.

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**2003- Someplace on this year.**

**heading to a red carpet**

**They won’t know my name**

_Freya Witch_ was her stage name and she now had a puck band named ‘ _The coven_ ". Merlin had called her when she left rehab and they had been steady ever since. Right now, Merlin was super high, watching his girlfriend perform in the stage of a skanky bar in a bad part of Manchester. They had been on a tour for 3 months now, the band's first album had just been released and it was a success. They had their bus tour and Merlin tagged along with them.

Merlin was in love, he knew that. He acknowledged it every single morning he woke up by her side, vomiting, and hangover, ready for his next shot of alcohol and cocaine. He knew it because he loved her smile, her voice, her bus mates were her family and he loved having sex with her when both were super high. Everything, even love itself, was greater when you are high.

Today was kind of different cause some people were taking pictures of them when they arrived at the bar. Merlin wondered where it would be if uncle Gaius would see it and be proud. He wondered if the Pendragons would recognize him. He changed, he got taller and skinner and had a beard. He wrote songs now, for the band and he had a consistent suitcase of the most different drugs that exist. He only knew about the Pendragons through some magazines, Arthur was doing great in his Uni, but he was a womanizer, Morgana was dating a prince (a prince!) and Morgause finally entered in a long-term relationship.

Merlin didn't want anything to do with them, but he still read everything on them. In truth, Merlin knew they worried about him. He went to uncle Gaius's home last Christmas and he said Arthur called at least once a week to have any news about him. Christmas was great, except when Merlin and Freya got super drunk on scotch and had lousy sex in the living room. Yep, a bit not good.

By now, the show was ending, the club was packed with hundreds of hyped out people and everything smelled like pot. All the band was sweating, and Merlin was sited at the bar, smoking his joint of the pot and looking at his beautiful girlfriend rocking on the stage. Freya catches his eyes during her last performance and Merlin knows is love. He's sure of that.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

**You're passing me by**

“The coven” is finally presenting in an important place, was a British award, it was enough that they had cameras and a crown that didn’t smell funny and famous people coming. Merlin came with them, of course, Mordred had sold him a new package of cocaine and he was sharing with Freya until it was time to go on stage. Getting high helped her not getting nervous and took her edge off. The presentation must have been important because it takes a lot of time for them to be called.

 When Freya and the band go in for the songs, Merlin goes for the crown to watch the show. The crown is mostly full of teens with punk-rock clothing and Merlin stands out because he is taller than most people. There's a side of the crown on where some posh people were sited, Merlin had the pass to go there, but he's thinking that he doesn't want to make small talk when he could be watching his girlfriend rock on the stage. He stands next to the chairs for the posh people. Freya is in the middle of singing ' _I hate what you did to me, traitor_ ” when Merlin feels himself being hugged behind his back.

\- I didn’t believe my eyes when I saw you- Morgana was the one hugging him, her mouth was close to his ears and she had to scream t be heard- But here you are, Mr. Emrys.

Merlin turned to face her and wow, not fair. Morgana was even more beautiful than he remembered, she had awful 2004 fashion clothes on and had her hair in a messy bun, with her green eyes sparkling all the time. She also looked healthy; Merlin noted. Freya and the girls on the band all had that sick look, too thin and always pale while Morgana had meat on her limbs and had her life clearly on tracks. Merlin got away from her as soon as possible because he feared to infect her well being if he touched her for long.

\- I never thought you would be on this type of thing- Merlin said a bit harshly. Morgana smiled at him.

\- My roommate, Gwen, likes this type of music, so I brought her and Arthur- she pointed behind her back where they were supposedly supposed to be.

Merlin recognized Arthur (he had just gained weight) but neither he or the girl named Gwen seemed to be enjoying the show, they were sited close and looking deep into each other's eyes. Morgana and Merlin starred while the couple ignored everything else just to be in their world.

\- Yep, you lost them- Merlin joked to Morgana.

\- I lost them- Morgana agreed. They shared a laugh while the last song was ending.

\- I saw some articles about The Coven band saying you write most of the songs- She recalled- And I saw some of your pictures, I wanted to give my congratulations.

Merlin was a little bit speechless.

\- I write some okay songs, its not enough to make a life- Lies, he only never saved money- but yeah, me and Freya write some stuff for her to sing- Merlin offered her a place for them to sit- I also saw you broke an engagement off with a prince?

Morgana laughed at his face; Merlin was a very funny guy sometimes.

\- Yah, Leon was great, and we dated for a long while, but I just can’t see myself with a commitment like that young like I am, you get that?

In another situation, Merlin would've agreed, but recently the thoughts of getting married to Freya were very tempting. Maybe they could go to a beach, throw a huge ass party where the waiters would serve marijuana brownies and alcohol full of LSD. They would be happy like this, they really would. Still, the thought of a single Morgana wasn’t unpleasing in Merlin’s mind.

\- Yes, I know what you mean- He lies to her again- And I bet he was a clot pole!

They both laugh at this again. Morgana goes to get drinks for them, and Merlin checks the stage again, he sees Freya throws herself into the crown and goes to fetch her.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

**March 5 th,2004.**

Merlin's not sure when everything becomes shit in his life but is between finding Freya blowing some guy for crack and overdosing in alcohol on March 5th, 2004. Freya was distant for a while and for some months the drugs were more important than their relationship, both knew that. But it was still painful. The band was falling apart and so was their relationship, Freya wouldn't show up for reels and Merlin wasn't producing music.

At some point, Freya's bank account was frozen by her agent in the hopes of getting her straight and then they were separated. Searching their suitcases, apartments, cars and trying to make their drugs last, but it eventually ended and so Freya went into a frenzy. It was sad, Merlin had done some bad stuff too, but he never cheated, and he was sort of waiting for the something from her. So yeah, they fought, they separated, and Merlin bought his weight in alcohol and drunk.

There was no Arthur this time, just a police officer passing by and taking him to the hospital. Gaius was again called for him, the man was getting visibly older, he couldn’t handle this heartache anymore. So, Merlin was, for the second time accepted into a rehabilitation facility, again against his will. This one was in another part of the country, more expensive and way stricter.

Merlin's heart was broken. He stayed there for two months and when he came out, he went to live with Gaius again, to get back on his feet. In Gaius's house, he thought about his life and discovered that Freya had an overdose almost next to his and was still on a different Rehab center. He took some writing classes in Gaius's house, cleaned his place and run errands to his uncle. He was invited to Arthur's wedding to Guinevere "Gwen" Thomas. He went on that, he stood next to Morgana, who looked as beautiful as ever and he saw his childhood best friend getting a lifetime commitment.

His songs finally made some overall good money and he was ready to get into some work now. He did. It just so happens that he would look at his contact lists to see the name "Mordred" sometimes. He wondered what the price was a joint now. When 2004 becomes 2005, Morgana says she has a roommate vacancy since Gwen got married to Arthur. He leaves Gaius and goes to live in the city.

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**August 30 th,2005.**

How can everything be so good and then crash down like a mud castle in so little time? In one day, Merlin and Morgana are making love on her sofa, her bags are on the hallway ready for when she will leave, she was already supposed to have left, but the firer of the passion was too much. They’re making love and everything sounds like a dream to Merlin, but as soon as Morgana finally does leave her apartment, Merlin is calling Mordred to buy some.

Anything, everything, will take the edge of being alone in a big ass city, in a big apartment, away. It had been like that for a while, he got a jog at a lame newspaper, he had friends coming over at the weekends and Morgana constantly traveled to promote her brand. She called every day and whenever she was here, they were like bunnies, fucking in every single possible time ever.  But everything's ended in where Merlin is now.

Morgana couldn't bear to see he is coming back to his old self, neither could she or could Gaius, so when Merlin finally was caught by her, he took his things and went to Mordred's new apartment. Now, that was a real friend. He borrowed a room and traded Merlin's things for precious drugs, and he said, "you're my best friend, Merlin!" all the time. Merlin expended all he could and what he didn't have, and Mordred would never say no to him.

But now, Morgana had found him. She busted into Mordred’s apartment, dressed soberly but without hiding her prominent pregnant belly. Merlin had just peached his arm with a needle filled with something when she found him and kneeled before his bed. He wanted to tell “your beautiful’ or “I’m sorry” but he didn’t control anything for a long time now. She looked at him for a long time and just said:

“I’m pregnant”.

Then she left. Left him to be alone in his stinky bad behavior. But something deep inside him woke that moment. He would never, never be like his father. He got up and stumbled until a payphone, put some coins together and called Gaius.

**_I’m gonna find my way_ **

**_Back to your side_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you for reading until now, i hope you have liked it.  
> Last chapter is coming and here's the clue to the next one: death and love.


	5. The ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of this story starts with a death and ends in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone that made it untill here, im so happy, thank you.  
> As always: this fic was inspired by the song 'Ships in the night" by Matt Keaney and everyone must know that i dont own any of this characters.

**May 2th,2020.**

**Riding in silence**

**All that we wanna say**

Uther Pendragon died on May 1st,2020. 10 pm. He died sleeping on his bed after 85 years of living. He didn't want to be in a cold hospital bed, paying nurses and doctors and medical apparatus. He knew what the doctors thought, that it was the last of him, he had accepted that his kids didn't. Morgause, Morgana and Arthur insisted on every treatment, every medicine. Arthur tried to make him look at some work charts, work always made Uther happy, but his eyes had grown tired.

Morgause went to see him earlier that day, went to have lunch with him, in his room. She sat on the chair beside his bed and didn't say much during the whole meal. This was the thing with Morgause and Uther, they didn't need a lot of words. They ate in silence, a nurse helping Uther with his plate.

When they were done Uther was tired, so he laid out again. When he looked at her, she had her hands covering her face, in a defeat position. Uther was avoiding talking, it hurt too much, but his children were in pain.

\- ……………Do………. you- Morgause got her head straight and looked at him- know…. who was….my biggest love? - Uther finished with a forced breath.

\- No- Morgause smiled painfully- Who was your biggest love?

She was waiting for Arthur's mother's name, Ygraine. Morgause remembered how he was with her, how he worshiped her.

\- My…………children- Uther looked deeply into her eyes- My biggest …. love.

Uther pointed at his chest as if symbolling his heart. Morgause felt the tears streaming down her face, she got up and cleaned her face, she couldn't do it anymore. Everyone that Morgause loved either hated her or left her, and after taking care of Pierre and Therese until their last breath, Morgause couldn't do it anymore. She kissed Uther's forehead, his eyes on her all the time, and left. Uther didn't want anyone at the house during the night, he knew that he would go to sleep sometime and wouldn't wake up, so nobody could stay at that time.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………

When Morgana's phone ringed, she knew the time had come. It was the middle of the night, she was in her bed, reading while Merlin wrote on his notebook. Wynn was in her room and Sion was already asleep. She wanted to shout, run barefoot to her father's house( _home_ ) and hug his corpse, ask for a little time. But in truth, she didn't move. She picked up her phone, she listened and again, Merlin was the one to do everything. He took the phone from her hands and talked to the nurse on the other line.

He saw Morgana in her chaotic state and slowly as if dealing with a wild animal, he made she lay beside him. Merlin hugged her tightly and, in his arms, Morgana cried herself hoarse. She screamed at her pillow and, she made a lot of noise because she heard Merlin saying something on the direction of the door, the kids were probably there. But she couldn't look at them, not now when it felt like her lungs had been ripped out.

She barely slept, she had purple circles under her eyes in the morning. Merlin made the breakfast for them and no one said anything. Sion came up to her and hugged her, just hugged her. It felt like a great gesture from an 8-year-old. The funeral would be that day, so the kids didn't have to go to school.

When Merlin drove them to the mansion, even for May, the weather was beautiful. They were all dressed in black and Morgana didn’t have any make-up in her face. Arthur’s and Morgause’s cars were parked close to the mansion, together with a funeral car. The whole house was cold, clean and set up for a funeral. Uther had wanted a funeral in the big ballroom, all his friends and work colleagues had wanted to come. Everyone BUT Vivienne went to his mourning.

Surprising to none, Gwen was the one commanding everything. From the cleaning to the reception of the guests to the food served. The ballroom had Uther's casket in the center and tons of flowers, different flowers, all over the room walls. Arthur was catatonic, he just sited on a chair near the ballroom and stared at the wall. During some points during the wake, one of the boys would come and ask if he was okay. In the middle of the afternoon, Alex, Tom, Lachlan, and Juno decided to sit on the grown next to Arthur and just hold his hand.

Morgana spends the whole day making small talk to anyone that would stop a while. It was so bad that Merlin and Sion had to convince her to eat a little, just so she could be quiet. As soon as they arrived, Wynn disappeared in the mansion. The only floor free to everyone was the first one, the upper three floors were forbidden for everyone who wasn't the family. To search for Wynn, or Morgause, for that matter was too lost hours looking at the bedrooms on that mansion.

Still, Morgana missed her daughter and her sister and decided to go looking for them. She had a feeling that they were in one of the older bedrooms. No sign of life in Morgana's old bedroom, or Arthur's and Morgause's. When she reaches for Uther's bedroom, she hears voices coming through. Morgause and Wynn are both sited on the ground next to Uther's old wardrobe, tons of pictures around them in piles. Her father used to reveal all the pictures they took and keep them in neat suitcases in his wardrobe.

They were talking in French while looking at those. Looking through those pictures, those moments captured by a camera. In those samples of happiness, Uther was always smiling. All photos of Morgause before she was 10 years old, she was with a frown. She never smiled at a photo, which made some incredible funny pictures. There's one in special, Morgause was 9 years old, Morgana was 4 years old and Arthur was 2: Morgause was sited at Uther's old leather couch and was trying to read a book, but Morgana and Arthur decided to climb around her and interrupt her reading. So, both Morgana and Arthur were in weird positions on Morgause's lap and couch, making funny faces to the camera while Morgause looked straight at the photographer as if she was completed annoyed by it.

Morgana saw all of that, and many more memories when she sat down next to her daughter to look through those things. Uther used to separate the photos through persons, he had a little album on every photo with Vivienne in. It only had 8 photos on that, only 2 with Morgana with her. Then there was a little bag with 6 photos of Uther's childhood and a big album with pictures from the girl's times on France with their grandparents. A Hugh album was reserved to Ygraine, they had a portable camera that time, everyone took pictures with Ygraine at some point, everyone but Arthur himself. Morgause took one photo of Uther when he was 6 years old from his pile and one photo of Arthur when he was 6 years old.

\- Look at that- Morgause said, comparing both pictures- Arthur is so like Father, it’s unsetting.

\- They do look like each other- Morgana agreed.

Morgause's eyes were injected and red, her nose was running, and her voice was rough, a song that she wasn't all right. Morgana felt incredibly sorry now, she was so hurt that she forgot that her sister was probably the most hurt of all.

\- I like this one best- Wynn pointed out for one of those, the picture was one of the newest, from last year, it was during Morgana's wedding to Merlin. Uther was happy but visibly worn down, he hugged Wynn with his left arm and held Juno in his shoulder with his right hand. He was smiling so much, so happy he was marrying his daughter and hugging his granddaughters.

\- He was always happy when you guys were near- Morgause took the photo on her hands. Her eyes watered up as if keeping a big secret, but she said nothing.

They kept seeing the number of pictures until one of the staff came to fetch them.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………

When everything was set and done, Morgana felt like her energy was drained of her body. Her father was buried, six feet underground in a cemetery plot for the Pendragon family blood. The mansion had tons of flowers and the staff had worked hard pleasing the guests. The kids were too quiet for their good, not understanding yet what had happened. Before they could call it a night, the old lawyer witch Uther trusted for almost 50 years arrived for the will reading.

The man was almost as old as Uther had been and he knew everyone forms the Pendragon family. He went to Uther's old office because he knew the mansion a lot too, and he asked that only Morgause, Morgana and Arthur went to the will's reading. The fair-haired man sat on Uther's old leather chair and opened a bunch of documents in the old oak table. Morgana sat between Morgause and Arthur. The three of them looked like they were tired sick, almost dropping everything.

\- First, of everything, I would like to offer my deep condolences to all of you- The old man's voice was rough with age, he wore big glasses that made his face structure unbearably funny in normal circumstances.- Uther asked me to only allow you three to the will's reading, it is too personal.

They nodded their heads in understanding.

\- So, let's start the reading of the will of Uther Pendragon- He started, reading from his papers- First, Uther wanted to leave the CEO place at the Pendragon Shipment Kingdom to his only son, Arthur de Bois Pendragon. This decision must be discussed by you, being the enterprise the most valuable thing. – The lawyer stopped there and looked at the siblings.

It took a while to Morgana to realize that they should discuss it now, so she looked seeking help to Arthur, which seemed to be surprised and to Morgause, who was just blowing up her nose and looking at the ground.

\- Do you guys want a part of the business? - Arthur looked at both, ready to share the Kingdom in case the girls wanted to rule too.

\- I think I’m speaking for Morgana too when I say that the enterprise was always meant to be yours- Morgause surprised everyone talking like that- Uther just wanted one of his kids to be the next CEO, me and Morgana went to completely different careers but you did the college, you were an intern and you worked side by side with him. You know that place more than anyplace else, you deserve to be the full-time CEO, Arthur.

Silence took over the room while Morgause and Arthur stared at one another. Morgana felt that her siblings needed this talk, it was like they finally settled something when Arthur gave his first smile on the day and Morgause’s nose stopped running. Morgana didn’t need saying anything else, it was just logical that Arthur was the one to take Uther’s place, she and Morgause knew nothing about that business.

\- Continuing the reading, Uther was very clear that he wanted all of his belongings, this mansion, and his others proprieties, his cars and his art pieces to be sold and the money accumulated to be shared between 3 equal parts, he did not wish for one of his kids to have more than the other. – The man kept going. It was difficult to imagine the mansion being a sell-out to someone that didn't know that a family had to be happy there, had grown there.

\- He did, however, decided to leave 3 unique items to each of you. They are not worth more than 10 pounds each, no case for fighting- The man took a box from inside the table, he was used to families that fighter because of money, but that wouldn't be the thing here.

He took a yellow, worn down new-born beanie from inside that box and held it to everyone strange wonder.

\- For my daughter Morgana I leave this beanie. When your mother told me she was pregnant, I was so happy that I took off and bought the first thing I saw for a baby. You only wore this once, but I kept it as my first memory of you- The lawyer was reading from another paper, clearly a statement from Uther himself and handed the piece to Morgana.

She held that little thing and felt her eyes watering. Everything that happened that day came in a rush, making her throat close with emotion. Arthur and Morgause tried to hug her, but she negatively shook her head. She needed to breath more than anything.

\- To my son Arthur, I leave this- Lawyer took an old pen from the box and handed it to Arthur- With this pen, I signed my first contract. I started my company, with nothing but one hundred pounds and confidence in my instincts. I hope this pen gives you the same luck it gave me.

Arthur didn't cry, but he held that pen like it was the most valuable thing ever. He probably cried every liquid in his body earlier that day, at least it was what looked like.

\- And for my eldest daughter, Morgause, I leave this- He raised an old, dirty rag doll. It was an ugly thing now, but it probably was beautiful in the past. Morgause breath caught in her throat when she saw it, and she released a pained sound. - The only thing he said about it was that you’d know what it meant.

Morgana took the ragdoll from the lawyer and hugged her like she was Uther there, she hugged her for as long as she could. When she released the doll, she saw everyone staring wonderingly to her.

\- When I first met Uther, I was so _scared_ \- She started with a watering voice- He was scared too, he never had been close to a child, so he thought that buying me a doll on our first time meeting would warm me, so our convivence would be easier. The first thing he did when meeting me was giving me this doll.- Morgause closed her eyes, as if remembering that day- But I was so scared of trusting someone again that I would take it, throw it away from me, said I didn’t want it.- Morgause was full-on crying now- _Every time_ I throw it away, Uther would go and take the doll and place it close to me. He must have done it 7 times, without complaining or getting mad. After that day the doll vanished, I thought he had thrown it out.

At this part, Morgana hugged her sister, and both started to cry like babies. Morgana felt Arthur getting up and circling them, he came to the left side of Morgause and hugged them, and for a long time, all they did was hug and cry. Not a _‘pretty’_ cry, but the raw time, with snot and sobs and a slight lack of air. They only stopped when the lawyer got u and left the office and both Gwen and Merlin went to fetch them.

When they finally parted paths at the front of the mansion, Morgause asked if she could borrow their grandparents' cottage for a couple of months, she needed to have fresh air in her face, needed to think. Of course, they borrowed the cottage to her.

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                                                                                                    **'Bout to board when you call on the phone**

**You say I’m sorry I’ll be waitin’ at home**

**October 3th,2019- Around Dean’s Forrest**

Merlin Emrys and Morgana Pendragon got married when their oldest daughter was 14 years old and their youngest child was 7 years old. Some say they got everything backward and some say they needed to sort everything before getting married. They chose an open field next to Dean Wood's, they made tons of seats and decorated everything with purple and yellow flowers. They also set up a coretto in the middle of the field and huge tends to be protected from the sun and the food inside it.

While Morgana was getting ready, she couldn't help but feel overwhelmed. She was having her hair and make-up done by Gwen, Morgause, and Wynn and she just could remember all her path with Merlin. Since their childhood and how she was obvious to Merlin's crush, their teenagerhood, and their different life paths. How it was improbable to them get together, but they fought for their happiness, they out-passed every obstacle.

When the time came to walk down the aisle, Uther was beside her, old and almost without energy and Wynn and Sion entered on the front of her. The boys were holding balloons and little Juno, that just had learned how to walk was carrying the little flowers. Arthur was Merlin's best-man while Gwen was the Maid of Honor and Morgause was the bridesmaid. Morgana was dressed in a pearly white soft-lace dress and hair was up in a messy bun.

The weather was supposed to be bright sunny, but the clouds were gathering around the sun and the wind was promising a little bit of rain. When Morgana started on the aisle, the instrumental melody of “ _Send me on my way_ ” by Rusted Root started playing. Merlin’s face, who was clouded as the sky was until now, opened itself in a radiating smile reserved just to Morgana. The professional photographers were taking pictures of everything but were more worried about the slow storm that was coming. When Uther was able to deliver Morgana to Merlin, he kissed Morgana’s check and handshake Merlin.

Coincidently enough, Kilgarah Smith was the one chosen to unit them, so he started preaching about how they outcome the life’s obstacles and how the love of a man and a woman that suffered like that must be stronger than life’s worry. During his speech, the clouds finally started to look like they might be heavy with rain on it and everyone seemed to understand that.

Everyone started trying to protect themselves, but Merlin and Morgana's eyes were locked at each other, not caring for the weather or the people around them, the only important thing was them and Kilgarah's words. When the words 'You may now kiss the bride' were said, the rain started falling and Merlin and Morgana kissed for the first time as an _official_ married couple. People started running to the tends, looking for warm and buffet, only the couple stayed in the coretto, sharing a deep, thoughtful kiss.

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**June 20 th,2023.**

Wynn Pendragon-Emrys graduated from _Wycombe Abbey_ in 2023, at 18 years old. She was in the same all-girls school that Morgause and Morgana studied their whole life, and like them, she was an exemplary student. Her ceremony was like all others, there was the speech by the teachers and by the valedictorian, all-girls dressed in their gowns and all the Pendragons had placed in the front seats. When Wynn's name was called, Merlin and Arthur jumped off their seats to applause and cheer, while all the others applause excitedly.

After the morning at the stage, Wynn's blue eyes were the shinier stones ever. She had grown up to a beautiful young lady, her face was angular and diamond-like, with marked eyebrows and a full mouth. Her skin was pale, and her eyes were like Merlin's while her alabaster hair was like Morgana's. Sion was 11 years old now, he was smaller than the other boys, but he still had to go through puberty, he had Merlin's untamed black hair and Morgana's piercing green-eyes. When they gathered to take the official picture of the family on the graduation day, they took one perfect Instagram picture.

At the beginning of the week, the whole family planned in making a small picknick at the Severn River, well, close to that. It was only 2 hours' drive from Wycombe, so everyone agreed to do it. Morgana spent the whole travel time thinking about how curious her life had been, while her husband was driving, and her kids were singing along to _“Starman_ ” in the backseats. Once there, they arranged the picknick table full of tasteful food, everyone helping and making a part.

They had a lovely lunch together, were everyone congratulated Wynn in her graduation and in her getting a place at _RADA_ , one of her dreams. They had cakes, juices, omelets and tons of different things, and when everyone was full, Arthur and Merlin took the kids to play some football, as proper English man would. Morgana never liked that game, so she accepted her place cleaning up the table and watching her family from afar. She didn't realize that Morgause hadn't gone there too, so she was a little bit startled when she felt her sister's presence hugging her behind.

\- Look at them- Morgause had a smile on her voice while they both admired their family- Who would imagine that we were going to end like this?

\- I know Morgause, sometimes it feels like I’m in a never waking dream- Morgana answered.

Of course, that life wasn't always like this. Merlin and Morgana still fought a lot, and Wynn and Sion fought as any sibling would. And Morgause, Morgana and Arthur could still be in each other's nerves from time to time. They had work problems, house problems, delate flights, late nights at the office and the constant ache of missing her father. But days like this, days like this made everything worth it. When Uther died, Morgause stayed 5 months reclused in the French chateau. She went to a shrink during that time, and she was still going to one and she finally started feeling her old self.

Arthur became a great CEO, leading the enterprise to its top levels and being an ever-present in his 4 children life's and Gwen had recently being indicated to an Oscar category. Merlin kept releasing bestsellers after bestsellers and Morgana's brand was doing better than ever. She started on this path as a scarred, naïve 27-year-old girl and now she was a fearless and wise 45-year-old woman. No jokes about it, they had indeed grown a lot.

\- I'm thinking about adopting a kid, maybe- Morgause's voice was almost too careful like it was her first time admitting it to even herself. Morgana stared at her- Well, I'm a grown woman, I have a house and a stable job, I go to a therapist twice a week and I take care of a child all right, I believe I can have one of my own.

Morgana was quiet for a while, fixing up the last things on the table.

\- Well, yes, but you sure you ready? - She argument- It’s an important decision- Morgana nodded for their family on the side. Right now, Arthur was trying to make the boys apart from a fight against the football.

Both Morgana and Morgause paused again to look at those people. Tall, adult people trying to play fair against smaller, childlike people. If you think about it, that's life. To make a family, to take care of others and to build incredible memories with the ones you love. That was how Morgana finally realized that they would be all right. Morgause would be an incredible mother, she had all the examples of what NOT to do and what to do. And whatever happened, happened. Thinking like this, Morgana hugged her sister, and, at that moment, all was well.

**_And if it all goes crashing into the sea_ **

**_If it's just you and me_ **

**_Trying to find the light_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last disclaimers:  
> The William Goldwyn is from The Princess Bride(witch i love).  
> The last words are from the last book of Harry Potter.  
> All of that said, i hope you guys have enjoyed, like i enjoyed writing this.  
> Im thinking of maybe writing a sequel to Morgause, i love her.
> 
> Thank you for any comments or kudos.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone, this is the first of 5 and i hope you like it. Im doing my best. Live kudos or comments,anyway you want.


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